She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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