im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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