Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
