Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
