he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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