my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
