You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
