please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
either way he was missing a nipple.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize