Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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