So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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