I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
