Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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