Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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