I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
