Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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