I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
