It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
