he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
