I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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