4 words: hood of his car
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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