Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
