his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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