i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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