my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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