rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
