My liver just broke up with me...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
