i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
