You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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