Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
