Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
