I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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