i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Someone signed my nipple.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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