Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
