everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So much Jack, so little girl.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
