He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
