We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
