After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
They are going to name an STD after you.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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