Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
