we made out on top of his cat.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
