I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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