If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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