he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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