I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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