What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
