I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
