If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
