I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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