i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
