can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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