He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
