I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
