i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
