i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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