He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
