When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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