me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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