wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
