Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
