Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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