I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
