i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
