He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
There's a naked man in my car right now.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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