I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
