His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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