dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
