SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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