I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
