So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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