I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
