Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
