so explain again why im purple
no
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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