I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
