Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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