Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize