i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize