Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
